BREAKING NEWS: A Hypothetical Treachery

That's right, folks! I've come back from my hiatus to voice a single concern I have of some Bethesda business. In case you're wondering, no, I do not have a lucrative job, a hot, right-wing wife, or eight hundred thousand children yet. BUT! Something's come to my knowledge that I cannot ignore!

JEREMY SOULE HASN'T BEEN CONTACTED TO WORK ON THE ELDER SCROLLS VI YET!

...
...
...what? WHAT? I'M WORRIED, OKAY?!

For those who aren't in the know, Jeremy Soule is the sole (Soule hehehe) composer for the Elder Scrolls series since Morrowind, the best game ever created. Here's a snippet of his solo work:

IT'S SO FREAKIN' RELAXING, ATMOSPHERIC, AND IMPERFECTLY IMITABLE!

And yet, Bethesda hasn't reached out to him for TESVI, a game that hasn't even been started yet.

IS THIS A SMALL CONCERN?

Yes. Objectively.

BUT IT'S STILL A CONCERN!

I know this means absolutely nothing because Bethesda hasn't even reeeally started working on TESVI yet, but they haven't necessarily been doing their best recently, so, worrying is somewhat justified.

In less than three months, Bethesda has gone from my absolute favorite company to my most feared. Moreso than EA. Sure, EA will probably shove a gay Krogan in the next Mass Effect game if they don't devour Bioware, and they'll probably take the MORE THAN INFINITE potential of Dragon Age 4 and outsource it to India or something, but the Mass Effect Trilogy ended with a GREAT ENDING NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY and I've accepted that the Dragon Age series has now written itself into the world's most incredible, fantastic, and anticipatory corner with all of the original creative minds who gave us Sten and Wynne jumping ship and leaving us with the "creative" minds who gave us Vivienne, Sera, and every romance option after Morrigan.

...but the Elder Scrolls universe is absolutely PACKED with potential and intrigue, and Bethesda has always strove toward making every entry in the series a completely unique entity. With all of the absolutely reprehensible mistakes that Bethesda's been making (including brainwashing game developer GOD Todd Howard who gave us poor, wretched, unworthy cretins the glorious divine gift that is Morrowind into selling us on Fallout 76 and positivity in the "Games as a Service" model) in addition to downplaying the rpg elements of the series, I'm worried that the series is going to drop dramatically in quality. If Jeremy Soule ain't doin' the music, then it's not going to feel like the continent of Tamriel. It'll feel like Dragon Age: Origins. Because Inon Zur might do the soundtrack instead. BUT SOULE'S THE TAMRIEL GUY! Jeremy Soule?! More like "Jeremriel Soule!" PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, HYPOTHETICAL FEAR OF MINE!

But that's the only real issue I've got with-OH WAIT, THAT'S RIGHT:

TES VI IS RUMORED TO BE NAMED "REDFALL?!"
IMPLYING THAT IT'LL TAKE PLACE IN DAGGERFALL AND HAMMERFELL, WHAT WITH REDGARDS?!
DON'T GIVE US BORING HUMAN PROVINCES, BETHESDA! I WANT MAH ELDER SCROLLS VI: BLACKMARSH, DANGIT! I DON'T CARE IF IT'LL JUST LOOK LIKE ONE GIANT SWAMP, IF I SEE A SINGLE HUMAN BEING IN THE TRAILER, I AIN'T GONNA BUY IT!!!

Brief Hiatus

I've noticed that video games kinda suck life-wise, so I'm taking a brief hiatus to get a job, a wife, and some kids. Okay, maybe I'll only get the job for now. Maybe a guinea pig. Thanks to the tens of you across the world who read my questionably-misogynistic reviews. Not-so-thanks to the many of you who found this blog because some guy posted a piece of my art to a "monster girl" 4Chan thread and were hoping to find other art of scantily-clad women. ...if you initially found it that way but keep reading because you fell in love with my writing style and artwork, then forget I said that.

Granted, I don't post frequently enough to warrant this kind of update...but dangit, I don't want to lead yous all astray! So, have a fun life, and go outside every now and then. Try bike riding. Surprisingly enjoyable, even if you don't like exercise.

BREAKING NEWS - BETHESDA E3 2018

THIS JUST IN:

-Todd Howard manages to be the only director at E3 who consistently manages to not be cringey.

-Fans are disappointed that Fallout 76 will have optional single player as an online game.

-Fans are disappointed that ESVI's announcement was just an announcement.

-Fans aren't talking about Starfield. Why aren't they talking about Starfield?

-Todd Howard manages to be the only individual on the face of the planet to make me excited for a mobile game AND a multiplayer game.

-That guy from Destroy Build Destroy played a rock song with a very unfitting piano part that went on for about three minutes without any gameplay (?)

-A new DOOM game is coming out with new enemies.

-The Elder Scrolls Legends still exists.

-The Elder Scrolls Online still exists.

-A tall foreign guy forgot his lines for roughly half of the run time of the conference

And, finally:

-Nobody on Earth is going to buy Rage 2.

The JomboMolino Deviantart Page!

I got bored today and decided to try out Deviantart as a venue for some of my less professional art. 

Within maybe five minutes of posting, somebody already was able to find it. And here I was thinking that my Tumblr account was my only hope...months of activity and not a SINGLE view...

If you want to hop on by, the link is right here.

I'm working on a very special review right now...one that requires a substantial amount of time. Judging by the game I'm reviewing, however...it's not unwarranted. 

Tumblr's a lost prospect.

Just read an article about Tumblr's utterly broken search function. From what I've read, the folks at Tumblr have a FROM Software viewpoint when it comes to this. Apparently, blogs on Tumblr don't want to be discovered...so it's "working as intended."

So, it looks like I'm gonna have to rely on yous guys to spread the word! Facebook and Twitter would be viable options if I didn't have to input my phone number, address, eye color and blood type.

To make up for this (basically) shameful act of word-of-mouth advertising, here's a really good song by my favorite band:

Shoutout to The Right Trigger

Quite possibly the only person who's read any of my reviews has a blog of his own! It's called The Right Trigger, and he reviews video games too!

His style is a good balance between funny and informative, and I don't think he'd be caught dead doing an end-of-the-year top ten list with only Night in the Woods.

So, if you're in the mood to read some legitimate analysis of video games rather than watch me complain about how dating simulators don't fill the void in my soul like a real woman would, then hop on over there!

I'm sorry I yelled at you

I was in a bad place the last time I posted on here. That game (Jambo) was just...so bad. You understand, right? I wasn't myself.

...but...I mean, it's not like you're blameless. I mean, you can't even read this because nobody knows about this blog. If you people actually READ this blog, then I might not have gotten so upset. But that's no excuse. We both need to be strong...for each other.




...what on earth am I going on about?