BREAKING NEWS: A Hypothetical Treachery

That's right, folks! I've come back from my hiatus to voice a single concern I have of some Bethesda business. In case you're wondering, no, I do not have a lucrative job, a hot, right-wing wife, or eight hundred thousand children yet. BUT! Something's come to my knowledge that I cannot ignore!

JEREMY SOULE HASN'T BEEN CONTACTED TO WORK ON THE ELDER SCROLLS VI YET!

...
...
...what? WHAT? I'M WORRIED, OKAY?!

For those who aren't in the know, Jeremy Soule is the sole (Soule hehehe) composer for the Elder Scrolls series since Morrowind, the best game ever created. Here's a snippet of his solo work:

IT'S SO FREAKIN' RELAXING, ATMOSPHERIC, AND IMPERFECTLY IMITABLE!

And yet, Bethesda hasn't reached out to him for TESVI, a game that hasn't even been started yet.

IS THIS A SMALL CONCERN?

Yes. Objectively.

BUT IT'S STILL A CONCERN!

I know this means absolutely nothing because Bethesda hasn't even reeeally started working on TESVI yet, but they haven't necessarily been doing their best recently, so, worrying is somewhat justified.

In less than three months, Bethesda has gone from my absolute favorite company to my most feared. Moreso than EA. Sure, EA will probably shove a gay Krogan in the next Mass Effect game if they don't devour Bioware, and they'll probably take the MORE THAN INFINITE potential of Dragon Age 4 and outsource it to India or something, but the Mass Effect Trilogy ended with a GREAT ENDING NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY and I've accepted that the Dragon Age series has now written itself into the world's most incredible, fantastic, and anticipatory corner with all of the original creative minds who gave us Sten and Wynne jumping ship and leaving us with the "creative" minds who gave us Vivienne, Sera, and every romance option after Morrigan.

...but the Elder Scrolls universe is absolutely PACKED with potential and intrigue, and Bethesda has always strove toward making every entry in the series a completely unique entity. With all of the absolutely reprehensible mistakes that Bethesda's been making (including brainwashing game developer GOD Todd Howard who gave us poor, wretched, unworthy cretins the glorious divine gift that is Morrowind into selling us on Fallout 76 and positivity in the "Games as a Service" model) in addition to downplaying the rpg elements of the series, I'm worried that the series is going to drop dramatically in quality. If Jeremy Soule ain't doin' the music, then it's not going to feel like the continent of Tamriel. It'll feel like Dragon Age: Origins. Because Inon Zur might do the soundtrack instead. BUT SOULE'S THE TAMRIEL GUY! Jeremy Soule?! More like "Jeremriel Soule!" PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, HYPOTHETICAL FEAR OF MINE!

But that's the only real issue I've got with-OH WAIT, THAT'S RIGHT:

TES VI IS RUMORED TO BE NAMED "REDFALL?!"
IMPLYING THAT IT'LL TAKE PLACE IN DAGGERFALL AND HAMMERFELL, WHAT WITH REDGARDS?!
DON'T GIVE US BORING HUMAN PROVINCES, BETHESDA! I WANT MAH ELDER SCROLLS VI: BLACKMARSH, DANGIT! I DON'T CARE IF IT'LL JUST LOOK LIKE ONE GIANT SWAMP, IF I SEE A SINGLE HUMAN BEING IN THE TRAILER, I AIN'T GONNA BUY IT!!!

Brief Hiatus

I've noticed that video games kinda suck life-wise, so I'm taking a brief hiatus to get a job, a wife, and some kids. Okay, maybe I'll only get the job for now. Maybe a guinea pig. Thanks to the tens of you across the world who read my questionably-misogynistic reviews. Not-so-thanks to the many of you who found this blog because some guy posted a piece of my art to a "monster girl" 4Chan thread and were hoping to find other art of scantily-clad women. ...if you initially found it that way but keep reading because you fell in love with my writing style and artwork, then forget I said that.

Granted, I don't post frequently enough to warrant this kind of update...but dangit, I don't want to lead yous all astray! So, have a fun life, and go outside every now and then. Try bike riding. Surprisingly enjoyable, even if you don't like exercise.

BREAKING NEWS - BETHESDA E3 2018

THIS JUST IN:

-Todd Howard manages to be the only director at E3 who consistently manages to not be cringey.

-Fans are disappointed that Fallout 76 will have optional single player as an online game.

-Fans are disappointed that ESVI's announcement was just an announcement.

-Fans aren't talking about Starfield. Why aren't they talking about Starfield?

-Todd Howard manages to be the only individual on the face of the planet to make me excited for a mobile game AND a multiplayer game.

-That guy from Destroy Build Destroy played a rock song with a very unfitting piano part that went on for about three minutes without any gameplay (?)

-A new DOOM game is coming out with new enemies.

-The Elder Scrolls Legends still exists.

-The Elder Scrolls Online still exists.

-A tall foreign guy forgot his lines for roughly half of the run time of the conference

And, finally:

-Nobody on Earth is going to buy Rage 2.

The JomboMolino Deviantart Page!

I got bored today and decided to try out Deviantart as a venue for some of my less professional art. 

Within maybe five minutes of posting, somebody already was able to find it. And here I was thinking that my Tumblr account was my only hope...months of activity and not a SINGLE view...

If you want to hop on by, the link is right here.

I'm working on a very special review right now...one that requires a substantial amount of time. Judging by the game I'm reviewing, however...it's not unwarranted. 

Tumblr's a lost prospect.

Just read an article about Tumblr's utterly broken search function. From what I've read, the folks at Tumblr have a FROM Software viewpoint when it comes to this. Apparently, blogs on Tumblr don't want to be discovered...so it's "working as intended."

So, it looks like I'm gonna have to rely on yous guys to spread the word! Facebook and Twitter would be viable options if I didn't have to input my phone number, address, eye color and blood type.

To make up for this (basically) shameful act of word-of-mouth advertising, here's a really good song by my favorite band:

Shoutout to The Right Trigger

Quite possibly the only person who's read any of my reviews has a blog of his own! It's called The Right Trigger, and he reviews video games too!

His style is a good balance between funny and informative, and I don't think he'd be caught dead doing an end-of-the-year top ten list with only Night in the Woods.

So, if you're in the mood to read some legitimate analysis of video games rather than watch me complain about how dating simulators don't fill the void in my soul like a real woman would, then hop on over there!

I'm sorry I yelled at you

I was in a bad place the last time I posted on here. That game (Jambo) was just...so bad. You understand, right? I wasn't myself.

...but...I mean, it's not like you're blameless. I mean, you can't even read this because nobody knows about this blog. If you people actually READ this blog, then I might not have gotten so upset. But that's no excuse. We both need to be strong...for each other.




...what on earth am I going on about?

READ MY BLOG, YOU CREEPS

READ IT

I PUT TIME AND EFFORT INTO THIS, DANGIT, THE LEAST YOU PAEDOPHILES CAN DO IS FREAKIN' LOOK AT IT

GAHHAHAAAAAAAAHAAGGGHGAHHGGHGHGGHGGGHGHGAHSLDGAOWIRET2Q3 52Q^#q$&q#$&w#%$&@j!i*

The "I'm So Lonely Reviews" Tumblr blog!

I made a tumblr account for this blog.

Maybe people will actually be able to see it now. Who knows? Anything's possible! :D

The tumblr account will be reserved for updates, links to reviews on this blog, and artwork that I make in my free time (since I'm an artist...fun fact).

If you're visiting from tumblr, then welcome! I promise that I'll have more reviews in the future. Currently, I'm working on a triplet review for three indie games, so look forward to that!

Hope you guys enjoy what I have to offer both now and in the future!

Sketchy Update (not sketchy like "drug deal" sketchy, sketchy like paper)

Well. Here we are.

In case you're wondering why the doodles for my Night in the Woods review are...well, bad, it's because I drew them in haste and forgot that graphite is the worst medium in the history of everything ever (it's also my primary medium that I've been studying for years, yaaaay).

I will fix this with the  ~ Digital Update ~  in the future. My primary artistic medium is graphite to digital, so the only thing I have to do is...well, photoshop over the drawings.

The only reason I have the drawings up here in their current state is because I wanted to get them out there and see how they looked on the blog.

So, in conclusion:

Yeah, I know they look like I drew them in highschool during class. Get off my back, you creep.

The Beginning of Something Beautiful

That is, if I have the willpower to write a review for every game I play.

Hello, I'm Jombo! I literally have no idea how you found this blog, but if you did, then there must be some divine intervention going on. Choosing the name "I'm So Lonely Reviews" does not gel well with Google's search engine, so you might want to bookmark this page if you want to be able to find it again.

This is a video game review blog, in case you were blinded by mortal rage and didn't see the blog description way up there.

At current time of posting, I have no graphics. This is because I wanted to get the actual text of the reviews out there in time for the end of the year. One thing that I want to do, however, is include hand-drawn recreations of aspects of the games that I play. My hope is that I'll be able to provide my own images without having to search 'em up on Google. The computer I'm typing this on doesn't have photoshop, however, so getting my own images onto the website is nearly impossible. Be sure to check on this page in the next couple of weeks, though! You may be pleasantly surprised.